I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize