Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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