i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
