we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
