my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
