How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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