I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
