We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
