According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
