We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
