My liver just broke up with me...
this boner is exhausting
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
