As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
