We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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