so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
