I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize