I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
