There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
