I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
