i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
