so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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