if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I DEMAND FORESKIN
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
