This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
