the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
