My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
