There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
