You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
operation harelip BJ is a go
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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