you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
