I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
