The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
