Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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