my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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