I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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