imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
