I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
