And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
