im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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