Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
