I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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