Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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