How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
