I love black thongs
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
