i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
