i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
