theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
