bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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