you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
