Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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