Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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