i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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