I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
