Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
