i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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