there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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