He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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