I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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