you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
