i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she pinky promised me she was 18
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He shit in the fireplace
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
