but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
