Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
