i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
