My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
