john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
