Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
