Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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