Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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