The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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