K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
