At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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