just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Be still, my beating vagina.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Shame - the story of my life.
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