I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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