I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
